Open Letter to Tanzanian Women in the DMV Area

Since I was a little girl my mother taught me that the word hate was a bad word and that I should never use it in regards to another human being. I was also taught by my parents to be proud of where my family comes from and that even though I was born in the U.S., I am truly a Tanzanian. With that pride came a sense of family. That even though other Tanzanians may come from different regions and different tribes, when we come to the U.S. we should put our differences aside
and come together as one people. Unfortunately I see that other people do not feel the same way.

For the past few years I have been noticing that the women I call my "dadas" or my "aunties" have been feuding, arguing, and even fighting each other. It's truly shameful that we as women can not come together and stand united because we are the backbone of our community. Right now that backbone is weak. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching a reality show, like an episode of "Love and Hip Hop". The only difference between the show and us, is that they are getting paid for the drama and the fighting.

The behavior I am seeing is something I thought I would see only in adolescence and teenagers, not in grown women that are married and have children. It's very sad to see two people at a function and they don't say a word to each other, but just give each other the mean look. And when they get home, they get on the computer and start talking about each other on social media. What we are doing is called cyber bullying, that is where you take photos, screenshots of conversations with others, create mean statuses online about another person. Just in case you didn't know, it actually illegal in some
states.

Speaking of children, what type of example are we setting for our kids? How would you feel if your child was going through this with another child. What if they are always talking about how they hate a certain person and posting mean things about them online? Or if it was
happening to them? You wouldn't want them doing that or going through that, so why are you doing it? We as parents have to practice what we preach to our children. Even if you think your kids are too young to understand what is going on, they are not. Children can read emotions
very easily. When you are on the phone gossiping about the person you hate, their little ears are listening to every word you are saying and how you are saying it. I want you to ask yourself this question, if you see your child playing with your "haters" child will you stop them
from playing with each other? And what reason will you give when they ask you why they have to stop playing with them? Do we want our children to hate each other to the point that they don't want to be around other Tanzanians? And how are they to learn about the positive aspects of our culture if all they see is the drama and pettiness that surrounds them?

I've rarely had to deal with drama because I'm the type of person that is upfront and open about my feelings. When I find out that someone has a problem with me I try to talk to them in person
about it, so that we can come up with a solution. And if it's not possible then I just let it be and we go our own separate ways. I believe there is no point in going back and forth with people if you
know you can not find a solution to your problem. It's very time consuming and I have other things to do with my time. And even if someone tried to spread rumors about me after the fact, it wouldn't bother me. I think it's because I have a self love that no one can take away from me. When you lack these things that's when you have to prove yourself to everyone.

I believe that there are some "aunties" and "dadas" that are tired of being in the drama and feuding with one another. Who want to create a better community for our children to grow in. So I want to
give us a challenge. I challenge all of us to end the drama and prove that we are better than this. All it takes is one person to say to another "you are my sister and I love you, so let's end this fight."
And have a real conversation about their issues with an ending goal of resolving them. Let's lift each other up, instead of bringing each other down. When everyone stops with the hate and the drama, then we will be able to come together and make big changes in our community.

Sincerely,

Nelleta Kassembe