Has ‘Kitchen Party’ lost its meaning?

Inappropriate dancing has become a common thing at kitchen parties. PHOTO I FILE      

In Summary

Let’s go back fifteen years ago and we’ll realise that kitchen party was never this famous. The parties were being done at homes unlike these days at the halls where there’s public display of wealth. Only few married women close to the family of the bride to be were invited back then, the case is different today.

Suzzane Balankana, 26, a hotelier is looking forward to wed next month. Her family is busy raising money for her ‘bridal shower’ locally known as kitchen party. Kitchen party has been a very famous party for the brides-to-be for many years now.
Let’s go back fifteen years ago and we’ll realise that kitchen party was never this famous. The parties were being done at homes unlike these days at the halls where there’s public display of
wealth. Only few married women close to the family of the bride to be were invited back then, the case is different today.
The invited women, dubbed as experts in intimate matrimonial matters would impart their marriage experiences and advise to the brides and show them how to handle their marriage and family.
Self respect, respecting others, house cleanness, taking care of the children and the husband are among the things the bride to be was taught.

Today’s trend 
However, things have changed with time. Money contributions are being made to fund the party. Different women, even those who are not married are invited as long as you have made contributions.
Everything is being imparted via microphone, so the message is widely spread even to people who are not invited. Some of the talks during kitchen parties are meant to be private. But the new trend defeats this purpose. This brings out the question of whether the concept of kitchen party is losing its meaning.
Different interviews conducted by Woman bring you different views on the matter.
Georgia Israel is a mother to Suzzane. She says that, her family is raising money for Suzzane’s kitchen party as a way of collecting back the money she contributed to fund her friend’s kitchen parties.
Back in her days, these parties were not there. Instead, all necessary skills and knowledge needed to be imparted to a prospective bride were being imparted by the bride’s mother.
“The groom also would go through a similar experience by being taught about things regarding being a responsible husband by his father. And the bride was taught more of domestic activities and how to behave as a wife and a mother,” says Georgia.
As days passed by, kitchen party came into existence. The initial concept behind kitchen party has vastly changed; for about ten to six years ago women used to bring nice gifts which they showered unto the bride to be. Today, not everyone who attends a kitchen party goes bearing a gift.
“I have been contributing to fund kitchen parties to many of my friends. So by collecting money to fund my kitchen party, In a way I will be getting back what I have been giving. However, I will also get some few gifts but to me the main intention is just a party,” says Georgia.
She agrees that, majority of these parties seem to have the essential meaning which resonated around imparting marriage advise in private. As a result of public displays and announcements, everything is now said in the open. Another tarnishing adopted act is that of having women conduct nasty dances as others remain half naked during the party.
Adding to that, she said, there are some families who go to extreme by inviting strippers to these parties. They even give them a platform to dance. They think it is entertainment but they are tarnishing the real meaning of kitchen party.
“I have done everything a parent has to do for the bride to be. I have already talked to my daughter at home in our own privacy. I don’t need to invite a lot of women. The kitchen party will just be an occasion that’ll get us together for leisure such as dance, food and drinks. It’ll only be for those who contributed,” says Georgia.
She insists that, parents should not depend on kitchen party as a way of educating young girls about everything to do with marriage. They themselves should make an extra initiative of talking to their daughters about marriage matters.
“Majority of mothers invite these women to talk to the girl since they are afraid to open up to their children. Boundaries should not be put when it comes to informing our daughters on what is right and what is wrong,” she adds.

Religious influence 
Reverend Aidan Mbulininge of the St. Peters Church in Dar es Salaam said that, after saying ‘I do’ the two individuals will spend the rest of their lives together. They will be one flesh.
“And for some denominations, it is for better or worse. The two shall remain together until death do them part. No divorce is allowed. This is why people try to get as much information and training on how to make their marriage work,” he says.
He said that, seeing the importance of marriage, the church gives training that will guide the couple towards a successful marriage and how to be good parents who will raise their children on the right track.
“Marriage has never been a bed of roses. This is why the church does not end there, even after the wedding they still offer seminars to married couples,” says Rev Mbulininge.
Commenting on the popular practice of Kitchen party he says, at his church, some families do conduct such parties, but they are always very clean as they only feature women who follow what the Bible says.
However, he has never attended any of these parties for only female church leaders are often involved. “Food, dance and giving of gifts is done, but the advice given there is guided by the holy Bible,” he says.
He confesses hearing rumours that there are people who do negative things during these parties. He says that women have a lot of influence in the well being of a family. Instead of spending money and time on unnecessary events, they should come together and do productive things for the betterment of our society.
Marriage education expert Ms Chau’s opinion
Chausiku Salum, famously known as Bi. Chau, is a Master of Ceremony, radio presenter and trains women who are married and those who are about to get married. Her training is centred on sex, being a good wife, and how to maintain cleanliness.
She says that majority of MCs who host kitchen parties are money-oriented as such they say everything including things which need privacy.
“My classes are being done at my home. After training I go for the kitchen partywhere I don’t utter words that are likely to harm other people. This is how I have managed to maintain self respect,” she says.
in addition she says that people just copy negative things and act during kitchen parties. They don’t think of anything else. About ten years ago kitchen parties used to be respectable events that everyone would never miss.
These days the parties are more of a platform to show off their dresses, who drives what, and who has more expensive jewellerly than others.
Sheila Ramadhan, 35, is a married woman with two children. She says that her kitchen party was attended by many women married and unmarried. However, until today she only recalls the nice food they had on that day as most of the women got too drunk to speak anything.
“I think that we should limit expenses we spend during kitchen parties. Instead of raising money for this purpose, it would be better if we focused on raising money to buy things that will support the new couple in their married life,” she says.
“What I discussed with my mother and aunties some few days before my wedding and even after the wedding is what makes my marriage work. In other words, I think kitchen parties should not be entertained. We should focus on more productive things,” she ends.

Vijimambo/sgregory@tz.nationmedia.com